Youtube Curiosities

On The 4th, 5th, . . . 12th Day of Christmas

Okay, I dun goofed. In true "me" fashion I procrastinated on everything and now I'm in a mad dash to fill the void before Christmas finally hits. First, the gifts. I didn't compile everything into actual albums, but here's about three compilations worth of awesome Xmess music I scrounged up from Bandcamp, Soundcloud, & Myspace. A couple of tracks have a little bit 'o swearin' so listen at your own risk.

Listen on Grooveshark

 Here's all the content you were gonna get daily in one big post. Don't OD. 

These guys are the best. They're booked to play my wedding. 

This one was one of the last I picked because I really don't think it's that funny and the joke is obvious from the beginning. 

These guys played my high school graduation. 

Thomas Kinkaid is my favorite painter. He's better than Monet. 

In remembrance of SOILL's Gathering. R.I.P.

This is just boss. 

I don't know why I picked this one. I think it's because it's really dumb. 

This one's also dumb, but in a fun way. 

One of my favorite Xmess covers. As featured on Yule Beat Vol. 1.

Yes, this is a real fetish and yes, it's really gross.

And now for the star on the tree. I wrote this song years ago but never recorded it because I . . . well, never finished it. Here's a fresh microcassete recording (with digital reverb!) of me butchering my own song while making up the chord structure as I go along. I'll also include the lyrics as a bonus. Merry Christmas everyone. Love you guys.


Listen on Grooveshark

LYRICS

It was the week before Christmas
stockings hung by the chimney
Underneath the mistletoe
and right beside the tree

You wanted me to do it
I agreed so rapidly
Girl if I knew what you had been up to
and just what would happen to me

(And now I've got)

rashes of red
discharges of green
a heartache so blue
on this Christmas Eve

Oh, darling lend an ear
I'm getting you tested this year

I never know what to get you
Don't want to be insincere
but ever since you suprised me
my answer's never been as clear

Won't get you a necklace of pearls
or a stocking filled with cheer
Won't get you a sleigh ride
from a red-nosed reindeer

So darling listen hear
I'm getting you tested this year

I ain't wrapping presents
so don't you scream and shout
it's too bad all this giving
is what the season's all about

So go get yourself a pencil
and some paper just because
I'm ain't going shopping
You better write to Santa Claus

I asked you for nothing
and you gave me VD
I gave you my V-Card
now it hurts when I pee

when did these bumps first appear?
I'm all out of Christmas cheer
you've been a bad girl this year
Darling lend an ear
I'm getting you tested this year

O.C. FINALLY!

You wanted original content and here it is!

Yup, this sweet puppy is called "Cop-out.png" and I hope you enjoy it as much as I'm gonna enjoy PK's, suckers!

On the 3rd Day of Christmas . . .

I promise this is the last one, I've another post coming up within the hour.

This one just has such . . .  swing. And tacky tact.

On the 2nd Day of Christmas . . .

Don't worry, I'm not posting them all in a row, I just don't have it in me to write something clever today. More OC up next!

On the 1st Day of Christmas . . .

Don't worry, I've got twelve of these and they're all awfulesome.

Ryterski Answering Machine

My mother was ever so gracious to donate this little piece of nostalgia: our home answering machine tape. For some reason there were a whole bunch of messages from ghosts on there but there's a little glimpse of Christmas cheer that appears to have been truncated. The full version still rings in my memory:

(to the tune of Jingle Bells)

We are the
Ryterskis
We have gone to party,
Leave a message at the tone
and we will get back shortly!

 Oh, mom, you're so . . . mom.

 Also here's a funny comic. I made it too big so my old relatives who lurk this blog can read it. That's right, I'm calling you out Aunt Donna. Keep lurking but put your reading glasses on.

Download Ryterski Answering Machine

Leave a message on the Ryterski Answering Machine